Introduction
We spend the vast majority of time and effort in modern society focused on physical skills and tactical intelligence areas such as math, science, history, sports, music, etc.
However, it is a statistical fact that social skills and emotional intelligence areas such as self-awareness, decision making, emotional regulation, resilience, communication, and compassion are actually immensely more impactful to social and financial success, as well as ultimate life satisfaction/happiness.
For context, you can think of Emotional Intelligence as the ability to recognize the emotions and feelings of yourself and others, to understand and evaluate them, and to ultimately choose how you think, feel, and act. It critically shapes how we understand ourselves, interact with others, perceive information and events, set priority, and plan the majority of our daily actions.
Below are a few examples of the importance of social skills and emotional intelligence:
An analysis of more than 300 top-level executives from fifteen global companies concluded that star executives were distinguished from the average by 6 competencies, all of which were social/emotional: Influence, Team Leadership, Organizational Awareness, Self-confidence, Achievement Drive, and Leadership.1
Research by the Center for Creative Leadership, with a 50+ year history of studying and educating executives on leadership states that
75% of careers are derailed for reasons related to emotional competencies, including inability to handle interpersonal problems; unsatisfactory team leadership during times of difficulty or conflict; or inability to adapt to change or elicit trust. 2
Competency research in over 200 companies and organizations worldwide indicates that two-thirds of the difference between top performers and avg or lowest performers is due to emotional competence, while only about one-third of the difference is due to technical skill and cognitive ability. In top leadership positions, the difference is even more stark, with over 80% of the difference in performance due to emotional competence.3
To put this in perspective, the remarkable significance of a top performer vs. avg or lowest was quantified in an Applied Psychology study:
In jobs of medium complexity (sales clerks, mechanics), a top performer is 1200% (12 times) more productive than the lowest performers and 85% more productive than an average performer. In the most complex jobs (insurance salespeople, account managers), a top performer is 127% more productive than an average performer. 4
The unfortunate result of our flawed focus on physical and tactical skills is that the vast majority of people are never engaged in any structured emotional intelligence education or training, with predictably painful results:
- 40 million US adults (19%+) suffered from an anxiety disorder as of 2003, and rates are expected to be even higher as of today.
- 17 million US adults (7%+) suffered from depression as of 2017, and rates continue to increase.
- 16 million US adults (7%+) suffered from anger management issues as of 2015.
Therefore we need to work on bridging that emotional intelligence gap with actionable decision-making principles that are effective across personality types and cultures, and personal and business situations.
The following POISE framework was developed by my firm First Principle Group and has been effectively deployed with executives across 3 continents in 30+ major corporations including 3M, Johnson & Johnson, Siemens, and Pfizer.
The foundational principle Practice POISE stands for Pause-Observe-Intend-Step-Enhance, and it is a structured and practical framework that can be used on a daily basis to regulate one’s emotions and subsequent decision-making.
It is critically important to understand the purpose and context of practicing POISE. The approach is not aimed at resolving the root causes of why you have certain emotions in the first place, that is a separate stream of work that would optimally be done when you are not in-the-moment feeling a specific emotion. Instead, the POISE approach is aimed at putting you in control of your emotional regulation instead of being controlled by your emotions. The POISE approach, supplemented by also performing root cause analyses of why/where your emotions come from in the first place, completes an overall maturity in your emotional health/regulation.
While there is tremendous depth that we will progressively cover in this realm of emotional intelligence, this framework will provide the groundwork for those future additions.
Note that for each of the 5 steps below there is a note on how each step relates to a key component of the traditional Emotional Intelligence structure.
Pause
The key initial step for any and all emotional regulation is to first take a distinct pause.
The purpose is to detach yourself from the moment and the feeling of a specific emotion.
Instead of being mindlessly caught up in the vortex of any emotions, the action of enacting the pause gives you back control of the situation and allows the subsequent steps to occur. This is critical to unchain yourself from the emotion, as Carl Jung states,
Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.
Further articles will discuss timing models – for example, certain situations will optimally utilize a shorter pause (e.g. minutes), while other situations will optimally utilize a much longer pause (e.g. 1 week+).
This step relates to the Self Management component of Emotional Intelligence, which generally deals with self-control, management of impulses and moods, adaptability and comfort with change, and trustworthiness.
Observe
Once you’ve paused, the next step is to observe the emotion and its surrounding situation.
The purpose is to create distance from the emotion and view it from afar.
The term “observe” is chosen very carefully because the key is to view your emotions from a third-party perspective, as if you were sitting on your shoulder or floating in the corner of the room.
Instead of the typical way people fully embody their emotions and become consumed by them, the action of observing the emotion as an outsider allows you to recognize that the emotion is just a temporary feeling that only occurs for a specific moment in time, and it will inevitably pass as all things do. This distance is key because it brings your awareness and presence back, which allows you to rationally take the next steps, instead of being randomly dragged around by the emotions without any perspective or control.
It is important that you just observe the situation and emotions instead of falling into the common traps of either actively trying to suppress them, or starting to explain, rationalize, and justify them. Neither of these paths allow you to maintain your distance from the emotions.
It doesn’t matter what emotions you feel, what matters is what you do with them. Emotions don’t need to be demonized, they are just useful signals, and the key is whether or not you process and regulate them in a way that is valuable and productive.
The POISE approach is not about the mind conquering emotions. Instead, it is the augmenting of emotional signals with the logic of the mind, in order to create an optimal and effective combination.
This step relates to the Self Awareness component of Emotional Intelligence, which generally deals with accurate self-assessment, and understanding how you react to situations and people.
Intend
The first 2 steps largely set you up for the 3rd step, which is to define your intention for the situation and your emotional state. Essentially, what/how do you want to feel in this situation?
The purpose is to shift from a reactive state to a proactive state and clearly separate the emotional from the productive. Instead of being dragged around by emotions and reacting to them randomly, you define and target exactly what you want to feel in the situation so that you have a clear definition and vision of success.
This is critical because defining your intended/desired emotional state creates the “why” behind your next steps. Without knowing what you actually want the situation to look like, how could you ever manage or improve it?
As an example, you may feel angry or anxious about what another person said or did, but when you start to evaluate what your actual intention/objective is in the situation, you might consider that “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Your objective isn’t to make yourself suffer, but that’s in fact what is happening. Therefore upon realizing this, you can clearly define your actual objective, realign with it, and take actions accordingly.
This step also aligns with a key decision making best practice, which is to widen your options and perspective. Commonly, when a person is stuck in a vicious cycle of feelings and thoughts they don’t recognize the myriad number of alternative emotions, thoughts, and mental states that they could be taking. Therefore the Intend step opens up all the options for you to choose what the vision of success is, and to not be constrained in your thinking.
As you work on defining your intention, one way to maintain the distance that you established in the Observe step is to ask yourself,
What are the intended/target emotions that I would recommend to my best friend in this situation? How would I advise them?
The important second part of the Intend step, in order to turn this intention into action, is to define the productive actions that are required in order to achieve the intended emotional state(s), which allows you to move onto the next step.
This step relates to the Social Awareness component of Emotional Intelligence, which generally deals with the awareness of the needs and feelings of others, and the ability to see different points of view.
Step
Once you have clearly defined and targeted your intended emotional state and objective for the situation, you need to implement this by taking the first step that you planned. Essentially, now you need to take action.
This step relates to the Relationship Management component of Emotional Intelligence, which generally deals with influencing others, persuasion, managing conflict, and working in teams.
Enhance
To close the loop, the final step is to evaluate the impacts of the steps you’ve taken and enhance/improve them as necessary.
Effective and mature emotional regulation is a never-ending process, so ensuring that you always evaluate and enhance your approach based on lessons learned is critical.
A quick example of applying the Practice POISE principle:
You feel anxiety and/or fear about being inadequate/unloved/left behind/not who you’re “supposed” to be (one of the most common scenarios based on 2019-20 therapy studies):
The Pause and Observe steps allow detachment and give you distance from the vortex of the emotion(s) in order to place you back in control of the emotional regulation process.
The Intend step prompts you to be proactive instead of reactive and define what you actually want the situation to look like. For example, bringing you to define that instead of crippling anxiety and fear your target is to:
- Be present in the current situation rather than anxious about the future.
- Feel interest and excitement in the process that you’re going through instead of being focused on some arbitrary goal/end state achievement and validation.
- Stop seeking external validation and instead use only a system of internal evaluation and continuous improvement.
- Feel awe/gratitude for the ways in which the current situation is fortunate in both minor and significant ways.
The Step and Enhance steps then drive you to action, assessment, and continuous improvement.
Additional articles, case studies, maturity models, and tools coming soon.
1 Spencer, L. M. J., McClelland, D. C., & Kelner, S. (1997). Competency assessment methods: History and state of the art. Boston: Hay/McBer.
2 The Center for Creative Leadership, 1994
3 Goleman, D. (1998). Working with emotional intelligence. New York: Bantam.
4 Hunter, J. E., Schmidt, F. L., & Judiesch, M. K. (1990). Individual Differences in Output Variability as a Function of Job Complexity. Journal of Applied Psychology, 75, 28-42.